Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
