Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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