remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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