Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize