My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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