You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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