took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
