I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
