well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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