is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
