no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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