I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
