you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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