It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
