There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
