He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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