Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
