i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
