Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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