Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
