My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
