Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
