In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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