Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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