Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
