Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
