She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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