I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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