Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
