if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wish I only lived at night.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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