How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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