I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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