My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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