my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I said "one day" and that day is not today
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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