Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We need to rekindle our bromance
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
