This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
