At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
