someone owes me an orgasm
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
