One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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