So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
