i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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