i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
