She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
