nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
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When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
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I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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