It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
