He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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