when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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