I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
