also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
