Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
