I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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