Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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