i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Terrible idea I love it
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
