I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
