who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
