i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
