I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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