ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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