There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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