I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
