I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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