Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
