Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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