he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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