She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize