ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
