how can u be prego again
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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