8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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