I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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