I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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