I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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