No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
