I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
