you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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