we have pet lesbian snakes
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
