i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
