Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm both gender and math confused
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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