Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
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i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
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It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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