ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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