so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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